10 September 2014

Getting Past the Toos

OK, so, it seems I have to get by the "toos"....
What are the "toos"? you ask...
Those places we find to hide behind. You know... I'm too tall, I'm too short, I'm too skinny, I'm too fat, I'm too poor, I'm too rich (?), I'm too lost, I'm too scared...
I recognize this place...
I have always wondered about publishing, but, never actually made the jump. Probably why so many of my writing ideas are half finished, and for that, half-assed as well.
I need to sit down and concentrate on what I want to say, I have my vehicles --science fiction for the most part-- and just start writing.
The fear leaves quickly as the words flow, but, rarely have I ever set my mind to perform such a task for such an important thing. Even if I can feed very few, it is a good idea...
Why haven't I started?
Too busy dealing with hospital stuff, too scared of being broke, too alone, too this, too that, too the other.

Just have to close my eyes, I reckon, and get at it...busy or not.

08 September 2014

Never a Small Task

It seems it is never a small task I set before myself, and sometimes I think that I've chosen the hardest to go.
No big deal, though.
Head up, chin out, and march straight for the goal!

05 September 2014

Vultures are Circling

Best get this out there while I still can....
This past weekend I had some terrible blood diarrhea as well as throwing up blood and bile from my liver. First time it was maybe about a pint all told, but the second time, it was about a pan full of black-reddish vomit (something that does NOT happen to pot smokers) and room mate came down stairs to see what all the noise was about, and when he saw, it was off to the emergency room.
Good thing, too.
Doc mentioned to me that three more hours (I was going to just go back to bed until sunrise) and I would have arrived somewhere in a body bag, DOA.

End findings, Hepatitis C, esophageal verices because of increased pressure due to drinking...(and above this last, he parenthesized in, "STOP!")

So...my short excursion into drinking responsibly was met head on by my previous alcoholism, and about killed me. By "Drinking responsibly" I mean I only had two shots a night, no sooner than every other night, and most times there were several days inbetween. (oh, isn't that how to spell "inbetween"? Well, excuse me, microsoft...like I give a dang)

So, this boy is resting more, working on getting better, and, well.... No more drinking at all.
The choices were easy...
Contyinue drinking (responsibly or not) and die in three months...
or....
Quit drinking and live a long and happy life.

Well, unless I get hit by a bus.

d=^))
Talk about the Golden years sneaking up so stealthily.......